It's Not Fair

A few weeks ago Oliver got sick. After a few days of not getting better, we decided to have some tests done, which required a blood draw. Two days later we still weren’t sure, so we had another blood draw. That night we settled on a diagnosis of Kawasaki Disease, so we checked him into the hospital. They had a hard time getting the IV in, so they had to stick him twice.

It was around this time Oliver looked at me and said, or rather shouted, “It’s not fair.”

Oliver didn’t care about how Kawasaki Disease can cause heart attacks in kids, or do other long-term heart damage. He hates getting stuck with needles, and he cared about having to go through it four times in three days. He was right. It wasn’t fair.

I remember when I was around his age, and I said, “It’s not fair” about some perceived injustice, and the adult in charge simply replied, “Life’s not fair.” That didn’t help. Surely three decades later I can come up with something better than that.

So how do you respond to “It’s not fair!” I could tell Oliver stories of other kids that were in situations less fair. Kids in Africa dying of malaria, or in Haiti dying for lack of clean water. I could show him the picture of the kid on the wall down in the hospital playroom, who died of cancer at age four. But I didn’t think showing him greater examples of unfairness would make him feel better.

I’ve known of people to reject faith, or abandon it, based something that happens to them or someone close to them that is tragically unfair. We often carry this childlike, Sunday school version of God as being someone that will make good things happen to good people, and punish the bad. A heavenly father that divinely balances the scales.

That’s a nice, easy to understand concept, but it’s not based on scripture. Jesus didn’t say, follow me and everything will be a piece cake. Life will get easy. Rather, the Bible is filled with stories of great injustices imposed upon the faithful. In Matthew 5: 45, Jesus said the sun rises on the evil and good, and it rains on the just and unjust. Although we long for justice, God gives no promise of an imposition of supernatural fairness as long as we are breathing in this world. We’re simply asked to do it ourselves.  

Fairness doesn’t come natural. What’s natural is to put yourself first in all things. But we’re personally challenged by the scripture be fair. Micah 6, verse 8: “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Be fair.

So I told Oliver that he was right. His situation certainly wasn’t fair. But I told him that I would do everything I could to make things as fair as possible. And so would his mother, and all of his family. And so would the hospital staff, who had just met him. He said it didn’t feel like we were all trying to be fair, but I think he knew.

Oliver was on an IV 12 hours, then monitored another 12 at the hospital. When he went to check out they needed blood for lab work and couldn’t get it from his IV, so they had to stick him two more times. That night his fever came back, and we checked back into the hospital the next morning. They had to give him an IV again. His little arm was getting tracked up like a junkie. This time they had a real hard time finding a vein, and had to stick him four times before they got it. We had a sedative for him this time. He still knew what was going on, and he still felt it, but he cooperated, and handled it better. After the IV was in, the nurse gave him a choice between a big Lego set, or two little ones. He picked the big one, and then nurse said, you deserve this, and gave him all three. It still wasn’t fair, but we were trying.